


Kamikaze

by Pardon_Madam



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1944 japan, 1999 america, Captain Erwin, M/M, inspired by the eternal zero, recruit levi, tell me if you want this turned into multi-chaptered fic, they're kamikaze pilots, world war ii au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:46:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pardon_Madam/pseuds/Pardon_Madam
Summary: Levi is the wings of freedom. Does he have to fall.At least that's what Erwin was probably thinking as he leads the recruits into hell.





	Kamikaze

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short fic because the idea of Kamikaze!Eruri struck me out of the blue.  
> I'm considering using the concept and turning it into a multi-chaptered fic.  
> Thoughts?

**USS Battleship Missouri Memorial – 1999**

_The Kamikaze “Divine Wind” – manipulated soldiers, cheated from life with fanaticisms that blinded them to the ultimate consequences of their actions._

Levi’s hand lifts, and as it hovers over the words glossed and plastered on the glass cabinet, he curses the fact that they’re trembling.

_Selfish, many would say. For they prolonged a war that they could not win, in order to secure a place in Heaven for themselves._

An alarm sounds, shrill like air raid sirens of old, but he ignores it, as his fingers make contact.

_Victims themselves, of a self-destructive ideology._

Gritted teeth, and in the background – the sound of footsteps approaching.

_Many view them as an apparition… one that is best forgotten._

He feels a hand on his shoulder, an austere, “Sir, please do not touch the display cabinets-”

He turns… cursing the contact. He just needs to make it out… just needs to get to the deck.

But the cool, fresh sea breeze that hits him as he leaves the American Kamikaze Exhibit only serves to add to the weight he feels is slowly crushing him.

He had managed, somewhat, for over fifty years, to keep these memories of his past behind a lock in the back of his head. But now, as his failing legs takes him to the land of who used to be the enemy, the land of the people who had taken so much from him, all to see the exhibit they had sprouted up on his past, he feels no regret for coming. Because he knows why he's here.

With his back turned to the exhibit with such false words he feels tears start to prick at the back of his eyes, he looks towards the blue sky, and finally allows himself to think back to all those years ago. _Erwin_ , and the word kills him even now. _Erwin._

**Japan Airbase – 1944**

Levi felt himself fidgeting uncharacteristically as he stood to attention at the end of the line of rock still recruits. He was known for his stoicism and indifference, but that was before the war started. Before he met _him_. Him – the young pride of the Japanese Airforce, Captain Erwin Smith. Who he had chanced on the streets when the Captain was on a rare one week leave from the war, and Levi had tried to rob the man.  

He watches now as the Commander moves along the line, inspecting each recruit. He’s an old bald man, who carries a metal flask around his hip that is rumoured to be almost pure alcohol. He’s got a swagger in his step and a blush across his cheeks that does nothing to dispel the rumour, but Levi can see the fire and wisdom in the man’s eyes and knows he is deserving of the title of the Imperial Airforce Commander.

As the man approaches, Levi forcibly slows his breathing and tries to don his usual stoic frown. But it’s not working, because Levi has never felt this nervous. Because Levi has never felt this overwhelming need to be liked, so that the man can accept him into the Airforce ranks. He hadn’t cared about the war before Erwin, to be honest he still didn’t – he owed the country that had left him without a home and shelter as a child, nothing. But he had finally put in an application to join the Airforce to see Erwin, and he’s ambitious to climb the ranks to be the man’s right hand.

“Recruit Levi!”

“Commander Pixis, Sir.”

“What’s with the cravat.”

Levi swallowed his biting remark and reminded himself of why he was here and what he needed to do. “I will remove it, Sir.”

“Alright Recruit, at ease.”

“Thank you, Sir!”

Levi lets down the salute as the Commander strides away, flask in hand and whistling somewhat merrily.

“I should have known you would be being reprimanded when I finally get to see you here.”

Levi doesn’t have to turn to know who’s suddenly come up behind him. He would recognise that voice anywhere.

“Not exactly reprimanded,” Levi replies defensively, as Erwin tousles his hair affectionately and dismisses the line of recruits who march away, but not before looking back at the sight behind them.

The two of them cut a peculiar image in the Imperial Army – the admired and the unknown on equal footing. For even though Levi is definitely skilful, at the moment he is expendable. But the young Captain, Erwin… he is one who commands respect as the pride of the Japanese Airforce – a standout among prodigies, a perfect brushstroke on an imperfect canvas.

A few beats pass with the two of them together, looking out across the airfield, at the twin-engine planes that cast shadows on the black tarmac as the dawn sun rises behind them. They remain silent, although this is their reunion of sorts and Levi has so much he wants to ask. It had taken months for him to make it into the Airforce after initially meeting Erwin. But Levi finds himself feeling an odd sense of absolute peace, despite the location, the setting, and state of the entire world.

“Come on,” Erwin finally says, as he gently steers Levi towards the command hall, “or else we’ll be late for Pixis’ morning briefings.”

Levi pauses and follows a few steps behind the Captain, because he feels it’s only right for the man to be at least three feet ahead at all times.

“So you came.”

Even without being able to see the man’s face, Levi can hear the softness in his voice, imagine the small smile on his face.

“Tch. Would’ve been forced to come sooner or later anyway. Besides you spent a lot of time persuading them to let me join the Airforce when I was a cadet. Wouldn’t have wanted to waste it.”

He tries to force some semblance of indifference into his voice but he knows he’s fooling no-one. The grounds are empty now, as the two make their way to the large wooden structure to the East of the runway where all the soldiers were already gathered. To Levi’s surprise, Erwin stays beside him as they enter, where the hundreds of new recruits stand, lingering uncertainly near the back. He’s about to ask the man to go to the front where the other Captains were, but stops as static sounds around the command hall and he finds himself automatically snapping to attention, turning to the elevated platform. Listening as the Commander delivers the morning’s briefings, Levi’s heart races at the change in routine orders. To finish by reciting the Imperial Rescript is usual, but the man’s sweeping gaze and choice of emphasis is not. “ _Death_ is as light as a feather while _duty_ is as high as a mountain.”

“ _Our highest hope is to die for our Emperor_!” The unified response resonates around the unembellished walls, an oath born from inexorable conviction and Levi had beaten into him during training as a Cadet.

As soon as they are all dismissed with the departure of the Commander, Levi finds Erwin is gripping his shoulder, forcing the smaller man to look him in the eye. It’s like electricity coursing through Levi’s veins, and he wonders how it’s possible to contain so much power in just a gaze. But this was Erwin – a God among men.

“You’re not volunteering.”

The words shock Levi more so than the news the Commander had just delivered. It shocks him out of his thoughts. _His_ order.

“You’re not going to go.”

Erwin’s gaze has hardened into something indecipherable. Maybe it’s obvious what it is… Levi is just loathe to admit it. Like mirrors, it reflects back to you what you see.

 _Weakness._ Weakness that comes from fear. Fear that comes from losing a life. Not Erwin’s own, but Levi’s. And this was unbefitting for one like Erwin.

“Stop it, Erwin,” Levi lets out a nervous laugh, “stop joking around.”

Erwin’s mouth falls just a fraction. A smudge on the stroke – a blemish on perfection. Levi drags his eyes away, unable to bear witness to what should not happen, and let silence fall like an oppressive fog between the two of them. For a moment, he’s afraid Erwin is going to say something – words Levi doesn’t want to hear… words attempting to stop the unstoppable. But in the end, Erwin just pulls him once again into his orbit with a familiar tousle of his hair.

\--

It’s funny… just how endearing the plights of the warbling cicadas, or the swishing of swaying beech trees are to Levi right now. He’s never noticed everyday nature running its course around him, but as the sun rises, and he stand in the shadow of his flagrant A6M2 Zero waiting for the final order, he can’t shake the feeling that this is something he’s always missed. His eyes look across to the other side of the tarmac, empty now, but where only three weeks ago when he had first come to the Airforce, he had stood tall and proud next to Erwin. The news of the new Special Attack Force – the Kamikaze, had been sprung up on them that very day, and Levi had watched as the fresh new recruits around him had somehow all volunteered, without any complaint, only with a seemingly desperate fire in their eyes.

Levi hadn’t _cared_ about his country. He didn’t _care_ about the Emperor. Even as he watched the actions of the young soldiers around him, some much younger then himself, he hadn’t necessarily felt the burning desire to sign away his life. It wasn’t like he was reluctant to die, which he knew the new recruits surely felt as they rushed to volunteer. He knew that out of all those that volunteered, he was probably the one with the most experience with the thing. It was just that he hadn’t felt the need to die for something that he didn’t think was worth dying _for_. That was until he had turned and saw Erwin, looking at him, with that desperation in those beautiful eyes Levi had surely already fallen for. He knew Erwin was going to volunteer. He knew Erwin was going to lead those recruits straight into hell. And Levi knew, almost as if he had somehow always known, that he was going to follow him.

“Levi.”

It’s the voice he’s turned to, leaned towards, _trusted_ , for what feels already like an eternity. The Captain approaches Levi with arms outstretched and he finds himself falling into them, trusting – _knowing_ – they’ll catch him.

“Erwin.”

“I have a request, Levi.”

There’s no hesitation as he replies, “What is it?”

Erwin takes an unwavering stride towards Levi’s plane, hand lifting until it’s resting on the wing. His eyes are unquestionably glistening although he’s with Levi in the shadows. It’s as if Erwin is somehow emitting a light of his own, and Levi realises his gaze is no longer haunted by a certain imperfection like before. Somehow, Levi thinks with a small smile, he has learnt to capitulate and move on. He was going to die today.

“Before we get our orders… Will you swap planes with me?”

“Erwin,” Levi says, and repeats the word in his head, _Erwin._ “I’m not going to let you use my older 21-model for _this_ mission.”

Erwin looks at Levi, raising an eyebrow, “You will not grace me with this final self-indulgence, Levi?”

A beat.

“You can have it--”

He doesn’t pull Levi into a final embrace. Instead, Erwin salutes him as Levi’s words are broken by the orders coming through from the intercom, “ _Kamikaze… Kamikaze in position.”_ Levi’s hastily mirrored salute is broken by fingers tousling through his hair and Erwin’s enigmatic smile.

“Fly, Levi.” And Levi feels like he’s drowning from Erwin’s words. “Show the enemy your Wings of Freedom. I’ll be with you.” And Levi has to bite away his _I wish you weren’t._

Levi feels as if the sky has never been more beckoning as he takes off into its crimson dawn. He can see Erwin just in front of him, all grace and stability as he leads the unit in its final flight. It was more than Erwin just being made for this, he _was_ this – the carrier, the sender, the receiver. _The divine wind._ And Levi felt like he was just the dark side of the moon, finding light from the hope of mankind in which he has dedicated his heart to a hundred times over.

Levi’s lips have just begun to twitch upwards, when suddenly the engine splutters. It’s his only warning before a viscous black liquid shoots up, rendering the front pane an opaque sheet. He turns helplessly and catch Erwin’s knowing gaze and knowing smirk from his now adjacent plane. He gestures with his hands, a learned code which Levi translates.

“What?!” Levi bangs his hands on the control panel as realisation dawns on him. “I am _not_ turning back!”

But Erwin only nods at Levi once, and goes. It’s an eternity later and yet he is still only a speck in the distance, an outline against the light of the rising sun, when Levi finds his voice again.

“ERWIN!”

But the Captain, the Captain who Levi should have known is always, always, at least a hundred steps before everyone else, can’t hear him. Not now, but sometime later, Levi finds his final letter, tucked neatly away into the dashboard of his A6M5 Zero. Addressed... simply to  _"My Levi."_

**USS Battleship Missouri Memorial – 1999**

“Did you enjoy the exhibit?”

Levi startles at the bright and bubbly tour guide that appears behind him. 

He ignores her.

She taps her pen on her notebook absentmindedly.

“Visiting America to celebrate your seventy-first birthday… must be exciting?”

A question that does not deserve to be dignified with a response.

“So, why the Missouri Memorial?” She solicits, unperturbed by the silence.

 “Victory.”

“Victory?”

 _His_ victory.

“I’ve always wondered what he felt.” A breeze picks up, tousling Levi’s hair like a phantom hand ghosting through. “What he felt that day.”

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the history and development of the Erwin|Levi relationship is very ambiguous.  
> Please tell me through comment or kudos if you think I should just turn this into a multi-chaptered eruri fic!  
> My tumblr if you wanted: http://pardonmadam.tumblr.com/


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